“Alexis, can you please stay and talk to me after class?” My 10th grade English teacher, Ms Borden, asked at the end of class one day. No. I did not want to stay behind. I wanted to beeline to the cafeteria to eat a huge panzerotto. I knew what she was going to say, anyway. She was going to call me out for skipping two classes in the previous week. But so what. English class was a waste of time anyway. And the whole school year would be over in less than 7 days.
“Alexis, this is the essay you wrote in class on Friday.” Borden said pulling out my paper from a stack of files as I stood uncomfortably at her desk. Alright. Let me have it. She knew I hadn’t finished reading Hamlet. I braced myself. “You got an 85 percent. You’re a really great writer.”
For a second, I softened. Gave a half smile. “Thanks.”
“But right now, in this class, you’re averaging a 72 percent.” She revealed. Sweet. Over 70. She didn’t think so. “Your marks are being pulled down by your constant absences and missed assignments. Somebody who writes as beautifully as you should be averaging at least an 80.”
I think it was the word “beautifully” that annoyed me the most. She thought my writing was beautiful? What was she even talking about? All I did was mindlessly scribble down an essay comparing MacBeth and Hamlet, without even knowing how the latter ended, just making a lucky guess. I hadn’t even chosen the topic, she had. There was nothing beautiful about that essay.
“I’ll tell you what,” Borden offered when I failed to reply. She had on a proud smile about her coming suggestion. It bugged me. “If you don’t miss any more classes, submit your literary essay on time, and do well on the final exam, I can probably manage to bump your final grade to an 80.”
“Okay,” was all I replied. But it wasn’t okay. What she was asking of me was absolutely unreasonable. She wanted me to write a literary analysis of Ordinary People that was as “beautiful” as that Shakespeare essay. How could I do that, if I didn’t even know what made my writing “beautiful” in the first place. My writing was just a random stream of consciousness. It was easier than thinking. It was as natural as breathing. It wasn’t beautiful, and I didn’t know how to make it beautiful.
I resented her high expectations. I didn’t even want an 80 in the class. Most universities didn’t even look at marks before 11th grade anyway. I didn’t want to risk writing something that she wouldn’t find beautiful and disappoint her. I didn’t want her, or anyone else, reading or talking about my writing ever again.
I never handed in that literary analysis, and I skipped the last few days of class. I still ended up finishing with a 75 percent. I must have aced the final exam. Ms Borden never confronted me about it again, and for the next two years I had different teachers. I never really appreciated how hard she tried. Or how she knew when to back down.
And I, of course, had no way of predicting that this story would constantly spring to my mind ten years into the future. I still think of it every time it’s my turn to be the teacher that counsels a surly teenager who doesn’t think it’s worth it to work to the potential that they have no idea they even have.
2005
Amazing! Loved this! π
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Iβm so glad! Thanks for dropping by π
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π
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Look at you now-still writing beautifully. I also write from stream of consciousness and, yes, it’s easier than writing after intense thought.
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Right! But as a teenager itβs so hard to value that as a gift. It seems so second nature.
Thanks for reading π
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Totally excellent story! I still get that attitude sometimes, and Iβm in my 50s. Scary, huh?
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I totally get it though! Thanks for popping in π
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Lovely π
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Thanks π
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You’re welcome
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Sometimes, we fear failure too much we don’t even try, and, we don’t try, so we couldn’t fail, and, that is the value that we are more than likely, to carry with us for the rest of our lives, and it can be damaging…
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You are so right. Itβs something I work against every single day.
Thanks so much for reading π
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What a great teacher she was. I hope she reads this post.
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She really was! Itβs a shame I couldnβt show her that appreciation she deserved back then.
Thanks for reading π
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It was years before I properly appreciated my high school teachers. In return, one former student told me, I thought you were the worst teacher we had ever had. Two months into university I realised you were the only good teacher I had ever had. Oh.
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Haha, thatβs so interesting. I think part of the teenage mindset is to be defensive and genuinely believe everyone is your direct opposition.
I think some separation from that highschool environment really helps us gain perspective. Some take longer than others, though.
Thanks for reading π
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Ah yes. That student who has no idea they have talent… been there as a teacher.
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Such a challenging type of student.
Thanks for dropping by π
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I enjoyed reading your story.
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I loved this. Isn’t it strange to think back to a time when it was hard to believe that I could actually be good at something that had some real value.
Your teacher was right, you do indeed write beautifully.
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Thank you so much for thinking so! This blog really has helped overcome that ever-present self-doubt. π
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Nice story π
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Thanks π
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I was ‘that’ kid, too. It serves us well as teachers. We have an insight others lack. Your teacher was right. You do write beautifully.
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Yes, I feel that way too. I understand those types of students, even if they’re still resistant and stubborn as ever.
Thanks so much for the kind words. Glad you enjoyed it π
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Itβs difficult to find a true mentor who supports oneβs personal growth as this teacher did.
I think you realize that now.
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I absolutely do! A little time and maturity really puts things into perspective.
Thanks for dropping by π
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Thanks for following my blog, and for your like of my post on Zechariah; you are very kind.
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Thank you for checking out my blog! π
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You are very, very welcome.
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Thank you so much for visiting my blog! I enjoyed reading this post and it brought back memories of schooldays and my teachers.Their’s was an endless struggle to bring out the best in us!
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Itβs such a tough job.
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You do write beautifully
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Aww, thank you so much. I really appreciate it!
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You’re welcome!
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You really are a great writer & I am looking forward to reading more from you. Thanks for sharing.
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Youβre welcome! Thanks for the kind words.
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I absolutely loved it! Sometimes we have a gift but cannot see it because it is so close to us that it feels like second nature.
There is a Dua of our dearly beloved Prophet β o my creator, do not take away a gift/ blessing from me to make me recognize and appreciate it after itβs removalβ
May you always have the gift of writing about life in its essence and simplicity!
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I truly do appreciate it now!
Thanks for dropping by π
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What a great memory! I love how it impacts your life today, too! You really do write so very well! π
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I really appreciate that!
Thanks for reading π
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Do you know why your prose is beautiful today ?
It has the clarity and flow of a conversation amongst old friends. Mis en scene.
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Wow, thank you so much for the kind words! I really appreciate them. And thank you for stopping by my blog π
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It’s a shame. Have you tried to find her since? She was right about your beautiful writing!
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I havenβt! But Iβve considered linking her to my blog if I could find her on Facebook. But it might be too weird.
Thanks for dropping by π
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With age comes maturity. The innate gift you have…..was obviously not important to you then. But, now you can look back and appreciate what she said about your writing. I wish you could find her on FB. She would be proud of you. Kudos to you for reflecting upon the day she referred to your writing as “beautifully written”.
She “called the ball” all right! π
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Thank you so much for the kind words! Maybe I will find her some day.
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I love teachers who believe in their students.
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All teachers should!!
Thanks for reading π
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This is so refreshing.
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This blog post gets an A+ from me! π
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Yay! Thanks a lot! π
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Alexis, I won’t use the adverb ‘beautifully’, since it riled you so: but you do write extra ordinarily well. I could picture you standing next to your teacher’s desk and practically listen in on the thoughts in your head…you have painted it so well. I hope I have your permission to share this on my blog site. Thank you.
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Absolutely! Itβs such an honour when other bloggers share my work. I really appreciate it.
Glad you enjoyed my post π
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In the 9th grade I wrote a book report that the English teacher was amazed with in style,etc. She wanted to promote it, share it in a wider way until another teacher read it, one who had read the book I had written my report on, and revealed my writing had no connection to the actual classic book. It was only fiction on my part. I was exposed in a different angle.
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Exposed, but talented nonetheless. That’s always been one of my biggest fears. Someone finding out I was bullshitting my way through things. Perhaps that was part of my aversion to the praise.
Thanks for dropping by and sharing your story π
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How did you feel about teacher #2 ?
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Aaah! Love this.
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Yay!! Iβm glad you enjoyed it π
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I taught school for twenty-six years, mostly fourth grade. It was the grade level our school focused hard on such life-skills as organization, analytical thinking, attention to detail, personal responsibility, problem-solving, teamwork, etc. My hope is that all those students over the years eventually realized, “Wow! Those skills we learned back in fourth grade are actually paying off! I’m so glad those teachers held us to high expectations.” (That last factor, high expectations, has been proven by research to be a best practice, although some of today’s parents don’t seem to agree!) I’ve encouraged myself with my own memories of teachers who positively influenced who I am today. But your beautiful (!) essay here has affirmed my hope that what we teachers work so hard to accomplish is not wasted effort! P.S. Thank you for becoming a follower of my blog, From the Inside Out. I pray you’ll find the posts meaningful, whenever you’re able to visit!
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I couldn’t agree with you more! As teachers, we are constantly giving students lessons directly and indirectly, whether they realize it or not. We can only hope that in the future, those lessons we worked so hard to teach will finally resonate.
Thank you for sharing your experience and reading my blog π
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Loved this. As a teacher, to much focus is the grade. Glad you kept up with the writing.
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Thanks for the kind words π
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Thanks for sharing!!
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Oh this is absolutely lovely. A delightful read.. Remembering my sch days πππ
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Itβs always fun to look back! Thanks for Reading π
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You do write beautifully.
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Thanks! I’m glad you think so π
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