Some people are old souls. You can tell from when they’re young. They’re intuitive and smart, empathetic and understanding. They just seem to know things about the world. They just seem to get it. They make the right choices. They have good gut instincts. They’re talented. They embody the ancestral knowledge of the generations of versions of themselves that came first. 

I’m a new soul. Life has been hard for me. Everything I’ve ever learned has been a brand new revelation. Nothing has ever made sense right away. I’ve approached my entire life with unwavering optimism and have fallen hard every single time the rug has been pulled. I’ve never seen it coming, despite repeated experiences. Because I’m new here. It’s my first life.

Growing up, I balanced multiple cultures and two languages while absorbing as much from the people on television as I could, in order to pretend to fit in in the real world. I had no pop cultural knowledge. The Beatles? Had never heard of them. And I gotta say, now that I have, I still don’t really get what all the hype was about. I’m sorry. I know that’s a controversial thing to say. Everything before the 90s when I grew up blurs together. Blame it on my lack of previous life experience, I do.   

In high school, when it was time to figure out where our lives were headed, other kids had ideas. They knew the path to become teachers because their moms and aunts were teachers. They knew how the Canadian university system worked because their siblings, cousins, parents and grandparents had gone through it. Or they had fallback plans because their uncles were firefighters or bank executives, or their dad owned a well established construction company. Everyone had all these connections to help guide them. I had none of it. While my classmates knew people in high places, my family literally didn’t know anyone in any place. I was the one forging ahead figuring it all out. 

I never went to the “right” places. The ones everyone else always seemed to know about. The right banks, the right dentists, the right driving school were all a mystery to me. Everyone always seemed to go in one direction, while I was wandering aimlessly down a different route, never running into anyone I knew. I was always separate from the norm, not always by choice, often just by my novel circumstances.

My parents come from two different countries, and when you go back far enough their families were migrants too. We have no firm routes anywhere. I wasn’t named after an incredible ancestor, my parents picked my name because they liked it. My brother chose my middle name after a television character. My last name is so dispersed throughout the world, it doesn’t necessarily belong anywhere. My mother’s maiden name barely even exists. Distortions and changes.

If I were to do a DNA test, I’m positive I would just come up as fractions of a bunch of different races, a mix so unique, it only exists in me. I don’t have warm or cool skin. My neck doesn’t match my face with or without makeup, and my chest even less so. I don’t have straight or wavy hair. I have both. I have it all. I am everything, and I am nothing. I’m mixed in every which way, a blending of peoples; externally and internally.

I suspect that when my genetic code came through the factory, there was no existing soul willing to step into what would eventually become my body. No soul prepared to undertake the unique being that I would become. That must be why I’m new.

And I’ve done a bad job of it. Figuring it all out. I am timid and naïve, and like I said, lacking natural proclivities. I’ve taken minimal chances and made very small strides. I’ve missed chances and opportunities because I just didn’t know. I still don’t know.

So please bear with me, as I continue to stumble through life for this very first time. I’ve got nothing to base it on and everything to learn. If I ever get to come back for a second go around, I think I’ll do a much better job. 



21 thoughts on “The New Soul

  1. I empathise and yet my background is totally different. My parents’ families have both been in this country for 4 or 5 generations. I guess we’re as Australian as white people can be. And yet, growing up in Indonesia and then moving back here, I felt pretty much as lost as you did. I was introduced to Kylie Minogue by an Alaskan/Welsh girl in Jakarta. I had no idea that she had been cool or could be cool or that there was a right or wrong in music. Moving back to Australia, I was thrilled that other people had heard of her and then mortified when I realised I was “wrong” to like her. You are not alone in feeling alone.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This reminded me of an Indigo Girls song Galileo. A fresh start or a Karmic redo to correct the past, we are all learning on this journey.

    Galileo’s head was on the block
    The crime was lookin’ up the truth
    And as the bombshells of my daily fears explode
    I try to trace them to my youth
    And then you had to bring up reincarnation
    Over a couple of beers the other night
    And now I’m serving time for mistakes
    Made by another in another life time
    How long ’til my soul gets it right
    Can any human being ever reach that kind of light….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. An excellent piece of writing. I think that everyone is really bluffing their way through life, not knowing what we’re doing, it’s just that some are better at hiding it with bravado! Ancestry depends on how far back you want to go – my DNA links me to the Nomad Sami people whilst my wife’s family five generations back owned a castle (we don’t!!).
    Oh (and I was born in the sixties) the Beatles weren’t all that.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I think we are all new and also old. The old is the genetic “memory” we carry in our cells and the new is the unfolding of unique lives – even those with roots in a place or culture. Great write – loads of emotion!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Something I once wrote about souls:
    When we die, we start over, but not from scratch. The important lessons we learn during our lives are carried with us into our next life. We build on that knowledge, we keep improving. We’ve all known an “old soul.” Someone who gets it without seeming to put in the necessary effort. The rest of us flail about receiving our bumps and bruises, breaks and contusions. The old souls, if we watch them carefully, we can learn from them.

    My mother, I think, was early in the soul-growing-game. Or that’s how I remember her. She was simple, naïve. Lots of hugs, but quick to emotion—good and bad. In the sixties, we still got spanked. The tool was a foot-long scrap of a leather belt. My father made spankings a production: “I’m going to get the strap!” he said. And then he disappeared for three or four minutes. The real punishment was terrified anticipation. My mother, on the other hand, just swatted away.
    When I was younger, I thought of myself a very advanced soul. Now I realize I’ve learned nothing except what I’ve garnered in this life, and in that, I got a late start because I already thought I had it all figured out. I’m not so sure you’re as fresh as you think. Your stories often include some insight that suggests you’ve been around a bit.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I hear what you’re saying, I’ve felt a lot of the same things throughout my life. I saw other people seemingly understanding the workings of the modern world with such ease it was as if they had been born with an iPhone in their hands before they were even invented! I seemed to identify with the old ways of doing things. Those came naturally to me. I was however an Intuitive as a child, and my mother would frequently sit me down to drink tea together and she’d ask me questions, and I always seemed to have the answers, they flowed out of me, but I had no idea where the information came from. Maybe you are actually a very old soul who hasn’t had any recent life experience? The youth usually latch onto the new technologies as though they had been born into them, but older souls flounder and struggle. I’ve learned to just embrace who I am, not judging myself against other people, for when the masses repeat and regurgitate what’s around them I’m able to see a completely different set of connections. Being able to see things from an outsider’s viewpoint isn’t necessarily a bad thing, for it helps us become big-picture thinkers!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am a very old soul with many many lifetimes already. I have known both old souls, like you speak of, ones who are obviously old souls even when very young in embodiment. I have known new souls, too. Kudos for coming to this planet at this very challenging time and jumping in to start your journey!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. With so many people (including myself) calling themselves “old souls,” your take on being a “new soul” is completely novel and refreshing. After reading your post, I believe that many of us start out being “new souls,” more than you might think. Yes, there are those who seem to have figured out life early on, but I think they’re in the minority: I think we all kind of stumble through life and try many different things (careers, hobbies, relationships) and see if they work. We may be lost and confused, as well as may not believe we belong anywhere, but it’s through these experiences where we come to find our identity. Life is a constant process, so why not go along for the ride and enjoy it?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I understand what you mean. Sometimes I also feel like I’m going down my own road… a road much different than most people’s paths in life. I like your idea of being a “new soul.” Create your own world… make it your own. It doesn’t need to be said but… Nice post.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I love your writing and this post ~ being a new soul, with your optimism you are able to handle the dips in life that come along… From your writing and thinking, and find I admire the experiences you absorb as you ‘learn’ through this first life, knowing there is something better ahead. Cheers to you and wish you well on your adventures 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s